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John Holzmann is convinced that men and women of all ages need one another. He believes each one of us will suffer a distorted view the world if we refuse to enter into and maintain close relations with members of the opposite sex. At the same time, he says, biblical principles disallow the kinds of relationships most of us refer to when we speak of boyfriends and girlfriends.
Using Scripture as his guide and applying insights gained from careful observation of common behavior in our culture, Mr. Holzmann seeks to help readers understand how to become true friends with members of the opposite sex.
Relationships of integrity, Mr. Holzmann says, promote a healthy joy in each other’s presence, a freedom that those involved in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships never experience. And they permit you to get to know others–and let them get to know you –far more fully and accurately than boyfriends and girlfriends ever can. more info
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome, Bible-centered approach to all relationships!
Rating:4 out of 5 stars
It’s about time someone wrote from this perspective. Holzmann has a unique way of viewing dating: it must be done by the Bible’s standards. Holzmann repeatedly emphasises how any relationship with someone of the opposite sex should be a brother-sister relationship. To honor God in every aspect of the relationship, it is necesary to honor that person like one would a sibling. It is putting God first. A must read for anyone looking to follow God’s desire for their relationship. A great follow-up to Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”
Excellent thought-provoking and clarifying questions
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
If you are interested in clarifying your thoughts on male/female relationships and aligning your thoughts with biblical standards, this is THE book to help.
Whether you agree or disagree with the author, you will be presented with forceful arguments for a particular viewpoint and then challenged to think through the issues for yourself from a biblical perspective. Even if you vehemently disagree with John’s stance(s), do yourself the favor of reading the questions at the end of each section and answer them. You’ll find that your thinking will be clarified.
The real strength of this book is found in the questions it presents.
A Farce
Rating:1 out of 5 stars
Well, simply put, this book takes a very interesting approach to the whole Brother/Sister relationship thing. I think I can sum up my opinion of the book by referring to an example given by the author where his wife goes on a date with another man 3 weeks prior to their engagement. His wife claimed to have no clue as to where their relationship was going. Holzman could not “understand it” when the man who had went on a date with his wife, just 3 weeks prior to the engagement felt “led on”. Holzman also had no remorse for loving many women. I’m afraid that this book is not healthy to “the body”. Are we building one another up with these brother/ sister relationships or simply setting each other up for a big fall?
How many lives have been destroyed by this book?
Rating:1 out of 5 stars
I personally have witnessed two, girls who being discouraged from dating Christians because their parents used this book turned to secretly dating pagans instead. Earth to Holzmann, it is the 21st century! Dating is how mates are found in American culture. If you are just friends, all you will ever have is friends while non-Christians pick off the few remaining godly women one by lonely one. Holzmann even admits that his wife does not think they started dating until they were engaged. She had given up on them ever being more than friends and started dating someone else, after which he was finally man enough to start dating her. And he tries to wrap his opinions in Scripture — the fact is there are no male/female “just friends” in Scripture, and people in Scripture do not just marry anybody in a wide circle of people at hand. Read the Bible some time, mates are attracted to each other because of characteristics the other has, then they court according to the social conventions of their time. What a poor title! Dating with integrity is what is needed, not cowardice and asceticism which abandons Christian girls to football players. For a credible book, try “Datable” by Justin Lookado.
In response to a previous customers review
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
I would like to write another review in response to the reviewer who rated John Holzmanns book 1 star, and claimed that John Holzmann needed to realize that it was the 21st century, claiming that his book is inaplicable. John Holzmann’s book is extremely applicable today, and if you are a person who’s focus is on glorifying God in everything you do, because of what He did for you by sending his only son to die for you on the cross, this book is for you. People may have misused this book, but that is not John Holzmann’s fault-it is the fault. John Holzmann presents his arguments in a completely humble way, seeking to HELP Christians avoid the hurt that the present day dating relationships cause. So I would encourage all those who are part of Christs body to buy John Holzmanns book ‘Dating With Integrity,’ and to seriously think through these issues. Good work John Holzmann!
Great guide for Christian dating
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
This is a great book that talks about dating from a Christian perspective. It emphasizes that you should treat everyone as your Brother and/or Sister in Chirst. I wished I had read this book earlier so that I could have handled previous relationships with more wisdom.
Good Biblical Book
Rating:4 out of 5 stars
I read this book a while back before I was married. After being saved, I really desired to honor God in my relationships. This is one of the few books I read that was practical, honest and above all biblical. I highly recommend it to any single Christian wishing to have ethical relationships with the opposite sex.
ive read some (…) in my day
Rating:1 out of 5 stars
Pentacostal rhetoric. If you date according to this, I suggest you pack it up fast. This book is about 90 years late. If you are Ned Flanders you might find this usefull as well.
Not the greatest book on Christian dating
Rating:1 out of 5 stars
This book does offer some helpful advice, but is primarily geared toward younger, dating singles (high school and college). These singles are at the greatest risk of investing too much time into the relationships instead of cultivating the lifeskills they should be developing. I don’t agree with Holzmann’s take on the “Brother/sister” angle. It’s true younger singles can find themselves giving too much time and energy to dating instead of building their lives in other areas, but the idea that you can go from being a platonic friend to being engaged (as the author did)is not realistic. The best part of Holzmann’s book is on page 167 where he advises readers to develop life habits, how to relate and to “make even ordinary circumstances extraordinary.”
Dating with Integrity
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
Outstanding, much needed, practical direction in relating to the opposite sex. Great for young and old alike. I definitly believe this is God’s plan for us in this poor broken world of ours where disasterous relationships abound.
Convicting…Comforting…& Challenging!
Enjoy!
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
I enjoyed every moment of reading! Through reading this book, my views on friendships and relationships has enhanced tremendously. I’ve learned to appreciate each unique and personal relationship with ALL OF MY FRIENDS in a whole new more Christlike way! The way I believe God has it planned for us…Life Abundantly (John 10:10)
There are other ways.
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
Holtzman’s tour de force of Christian relationships is a brilliant illustration of his own masculine inadequacies. It strikes an intriguing balance between tragedy and comedy. I recommend it mostly for Pennsicola fundamentalists who lack a body, or at least a spine.
THE STANDARD for a Christian Perspective on Dating
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
I first came across this book as a junior in college. I was in a long-term relationship at the time, and my then-girlfriend DIDN’T want me to read it. I’m glad I did! A number of Christian friends had told me that they were concerned about my relationship (which wasn’t healthy from any perspective), and God used this book to open my eyes to the truth about Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships–THEY DON’T WORK. Setting up mini-marriages with virtually all of the rights and benefits that married couples enjoy in not God’s idea of how non-married parties should relate–not to mention all of the emotional and spiritual hurt and harm that break-ups usually cause. Holzmann gives excellent Biblical support for his arguments against the traditional dating structure, as well as presenting a realistic picture of what could be.
A warning to all who read the book, however. Living out a no-dating lifestyle is extremely difficult in our dating culture. There are very few examples one can look to in every-day life for support/guidance, including other Christians, and discussions regarding this lifestyle can illicit laughs and cynicism from skeptics. But I am convinced that a Brother/Sister relationship is God’s ONLY choice for the non-married believer. I commend the author for helping me to see that.
Don’t read this book if you don’t want to live Holy
Rating:4 out of 5 stars
First off, I should tell you that unless holiness, godliness, spiritual purity and being like Jesus are the main goals of your christian walk, you should pass this book up. John Holzmann’s book will completely revolutionize your concepts of dating and conforming to the system of this fallen world we live in. but he does more than talk about dating (or how to rise above it), he addresses the problems of communication between the sexes in the church and also of living as men and women of integrity. A word of warning: practicing the principles that this book outlines(which are all biblically based) will make you the target of ridicule and mockery, from other christians. But if you are a follower of Jesus, you have no other option but to live as christ has called you. I speak from experience as one who discovered this book over 10 years ago and practiced it’s principles right up to the day I married my wife (and for the rest of my life!)the biblical principle of brother/sister relationships can work! it’s Gods highest and best! applicable to young and old.
I gave this book 4 stars instead of 5 because I believe that one element that Mr. Holzmann doesn’t really cover is how to know when God is speaking to you about your relationships and what to do when in the midst of the struggle to live pure. For that, I’d recommend “How to be led by the Spirit of God” by Kenneth Hagin.
“Dating with Integrity” is THE defining standard for all christian relationship books.
I credit this book with my strong, healthy marriage
Rating:5 out of 5 stars
I read this in college when I was 20. Having just ended (mutually) a 2 year relationship with a Christian girlfriend, I wanted no part of another breakup. How is it possible, I thought, that two Christians can “break up” and, at the same time, “preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”?(Eph. 4:3) This struck me as a contradiction in terms. There must be a better way, I thought. To my delight I picked up this book and discovered that there was a better way to relate with members of the opposite sex while avoiding all of the heartache and potential dissonance in the Body of Christ that breakups often bring. After my breakup, I began operating on Holzman’s model as much as I could. Yes, I was teased at times by other Christians, but how thankful I am now that I stuck to it. I became very good freinds with a sister. Without the romance or the false boyfriend-girlfriend vows, we were forced to develop our friendship–we couldn’t fall back on romance as so many couples do. That friendship and, ultimately, our commitment to each other, has provided a strong, enriching, growing marriage of 8 years. No doubt, Dating With Integrity is a radically counter-cultural approach to dating, but wasn’t Jesus radically counter-cultural, Himself? This book is about principles: bibical principles that show us how to conduct ourselves with complete honesty and genuiness toward our brothers and sisters in Christ. Having patterned my relationship with my sister (and now wife) after these principles, I am more convinced now than I was while practicing them that Holzman’s philosophy of dating is the most biblical philosphy I know of. Be ready to be challenged, but hear it from someone who actually followed it: it works!